Home » If School Were Your Job, You’d Quit

If School Were Your Job, You’d Quit


Seeking employees who:

  • Tolerate being told not only what to do, but exactly how and when as well
  • Accept having little to no understanding of why they are doing a task
  • Will learn not to “swim upstream” — quiet, motionless, compliant employees preferred
  • Have zero personal, social, or emotional issues that might potentially interfere with their perceived “attitude” or motivation

Benefits of the job include:

  • Early start times and rigid schedules
  • Scheduled bathroom, lunch, and down-time breaks with all other employees; no alone time, ever
  • Take-home work that restricts or altogether eliminates pesky family time,outside employment, or non-work-related hobbies
  • No independent judgement required!  We will tell you what to think, how to think it, and what ideas are unimportant
  • Frequent, sometimes arbitrary evaluations administered by experts in testing
  • Opportunities for annual promotion tied to compliance and test-taking ability

Compensation includes promises of future success;* financial incentives from you may increase your rate of receiving those promises.  Company regulations specify that all applicants be at least six by September 1; documents to be verified prior to job offer.

*promises not redeemable for actual success



Photo courtesy of athene8_ through CC licensing.


One comment

  1. Me (Duh) says:

    Somebody should make a job like this and see how many people sign up.

    Also, you forgot that you don’t get paid.

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