Seeking employees who:
- Tolerate being told not only what to do, but exactly how and when as well
- Accept having little to no understanding of why they are doing a task
- Will learn not to “swim upstream” — quiet, motionless, compliant employees preferred
- Have zero personal, social, or emotional issues that might potentially interfere with their perceived “attitude” or motivation
Benefits of the job include:
- Early start times and rigid schedules
- Scheduled bathroom, lunch, and down-time breaks with all other employees; no alone time, ever
- Take-home work that restricts or altogether eliminates pesky family time,outside employment, or non-work-related hobbies
- No independent judgement required! We will tell you what to think, how to think it, and what ideas are unimportant
- Frequent, sometimes arbitrary evaluations administered by experts in testing
- Opportunities for annual promotion tied to compliance and test-taking ability
Compensation includes promises of future success;* financial incentives from you may increase your rate of receiving those promises. Company regulations specify that all applicants be at least six by September 1; documents to be verified prior to job offer.
*promises not redeemable for actual success
Photo courtesy of athene8_ through CC licensing.